I belong to that classification of people known as wives. I am A Wife.And, not altogether incidentally, I am a mother.Not too long ago a male friend of mine appeared on the scene freshfrom a recent divorce. He had one child, who is, of course, with hisex-wife. He is looking for another wife. As I thought about him whileI was ironing one evening, it suddenly occurred to me that I too, wouldlike to have a wife. Why do I want a wife?I would like to go back to school so that I can become economicallyindependent, support myself, and if need be, support those dependentupon me. I want a wife who will work and send me to school. And whileI am going to school I want a wife to take care of my children. I wanta wife a wife to keep track of the children's doctor and dentistappointments. And to keep track of mine, too. I want a wife to makesure my children eat properly and are kept clean. I want a wife whowill wash the children's clothes and keep them mended. I want a wifewho is a good nurturing attendant to my children, who arranges fortheir schooling, makes sure that they have an adequate social life    with their peers, takes them to the park, the zoo, etc. I want a wifewho takes care of the children when they are sick, a wife who arrangesto be around when the children need special care, because, of course,I cannot miss classes at school. My wife must arrange to lose time atwork and not lose the job. It may mean a small cut in my wife's incomefrom time to time, but I guess I can tolerate that. Needless to say, my wife will arrange and pay for the care of the children while my    wife is working.I want a wife who will take care of my physical needs. I want a wifewho will keep my house clean. A wife who will pick up after my      children, a wife who will pick up after me. I want a wife who will   keep my clothes clean, ironed, mended, replaced when need be, and who will see to it that my personal things are kept in their proper placeso that I can find what I need the minute I need it. I want a wife whocooks the meals, a wife who is a good cook. I want a wife who will plan the menus, do the necessary grocery shopping, prepare the meals,serve them pleasantly, and then do the cleaning up while I do my  studying. I want a wife who will care for me when I am sick and   sympathize with my pain and loss of time from school. I want a wife togo along when our family takes a vacation so that someone can continuecare for me and my when I need a rest and change of scene.I want a wife who will not bother me with rambling complaints about awife's duties. But I want a wife who will listen to me when I feel theneed to explain a rather difficult point I have come across in mycourse of studies. And I want a wife who will type my papers for mewhen I have written them.I want a wife who will take care of the details of my social life.When my wife and I are invited out by my friends, I want a wife who  take care of the baby-sitting arrangements. When I meet people atschool that I like and want to entertain, I want a wife who will have the house clean, will prepare a special meal, serve it to me and myfriends, and not interrupt when I talk about things that interest me and my friends. I want a wife who will have arranged that the childrenare fed and ready for bed before my guests arrive so that the childrendo not bother us. I want a wife who takes care of the needs of my     quests so that they feel comfortable, who makes sure that they have anashtray, that they are passed the hors d'oeuvres, that they are       offered a second helping of the food, that their wine glasses arereplenished when necessary, that their coffee is served to them asthey like it. And I want a wife who knows that sometimes I need a    night out by myself.I want a wife who is sensitive to my sexual needs, a wife who makeslove passionately and eagerly when I feel like it, a wife who makessure that I am satisfied. And, of course, I want a wife who will notdemand sexual attention when I am not in the mood for it. I want awife who assumes the complete responsibility for birth control,    because I do not want more children. I want a wife who will remain   sexually faithful to me so that I do not have to clutter up my       intellectual life with jealousies. And I want a wife who understandsthat my sexual needs may entail more than strict adherence to       monogamy. I must, after all, be able to relate to people as fully as  possible.If, by chance, I find another person more suitable as a wife than thewife I already have, I want the liberty to replace my present wifewith another one. Naturally, I will expect a fresh, new life; my wifewill take the children and be solely responsible for them so that I amleft free.          When I am through with school and have a job, I want my wife to quitworking and remain at home so that my wife can more fully and      completely take care of a wife's duties.My God, who wouldn't want a wife?